Is The Church a Hospital for Sinners?

As I was web surfing for grist for the blog mill tonight my eyes fastened on this heading, "Is the Church a Hospital?" I instantly recognized this cliche from way back in my own churchianity days, when the blinders were still on. It was another one of those many cliches the church had to cover up their own failures, sins and the reason nothing ever changed. The church had become home to those who had "bloomed where they were planted", and faded there, and kept there for fear of leaving due to various threats such as the accusation of being a "church hopper", if you dared to check out other local churches in the area because just maybe you were sick of the one you were in. Well, except for the all too frequent new comer, dysfunctional sinner, someone had invited to church,(the hospital), where they were supposed to get fixed, but usually didn't.

Anyways, I was thrilled when I saw this heading because I just knew it was right up my alley. I've been saying for a long time now, the church is NOT the place for sinners, but yet, as you drive down the streets and highways, you will often see billboards inviting sinners into the church with an advertisement saying, "Sinners Welcome", or something similar.

Folks, this is one of the biggies why I left the church. I was literally attacked by the church leadership for not being more "accepting", "loving" and "tolerant" of downright sin and perversion going on in the church, right under their nose. I had become the problem, not the grinning sinners waving bye bye to me from the front door of the church as I beat my final exit.

The most blatant and cruel form of spiritual abuse goes on inside the church walls. The church is "supposed to be" by all scriptural accounts the spotless, holy BODY OF CHRIST, Jesus Christ's representatives in a sinful world, the Bride of Christ without spot, wrinkle or blemish. If you are presently going to a church, can you honestly say this describes your church?

Friends, most mainstream churches bear no resemblance whatever to the early church, the church Jesus set up in the book of Acts. What's more, please....if you are struggling with the inward feeling that you are in one of these pseudo-churches, pray for guidance that Jesus would help you leave this Babylonian harlot and find a godly fellowship.

I hope Evelyn, of http://exitchurchianity.wordpress.com/2009/09/07/the-church-is-a-hospital/won't mind my copy and pasting this to the blog. Click on the Title, (above) to go directly to her wordpress blog. Awesome stuff!

ALL credit goes to her and Jesus for her brilliant and insightful writing. I hope to lean on her often for more of her genius and experience in warning innocent travelers about the pitfalls of "doing church".
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"There’s this cliche (popular saying) in the organized church that “the church is a hospital”, but I’ve been thinking about this cliche lately. I wonder if it’s true. Is it Biblical? God symbolizes His ppl in many ways in Scripture, such as a flock of sheep, a Body, a Temple, a House, a Bride, a Vineyard, & an army. But did He ever symbolize us as a hospital??

People in the organized church say that “the church is a hospital” because it’s a place where the sick can come & be healed. Well…sorry to say, but I don’t see sick ppl coming into the organized church & being healed of sin. I see sick ppl TAKING OVER the pews & the pulpit, & spreading their sickness everywhere. I see sheep trying to get well, only to be led BACK INTO their sickness by sick shepherds & sick goats. I see ppl getting sicker than they were when they came. Is the church a hospital?? If so…I would have to liken the organized church to a hospital that practices conventional medicine, & here is why…

The ‘conventional’ medicine industry is controlled by the ruling elites. Therefore, it is the predominant (most popular) medical industry. Many ppl assume that conventional medicine is the best option because it’s popular…but it’s only popular because it has a powerful propaganda machine behind it that is fueled by the richest families in the world. Their goal is to use human beings as cash cows, encourage sickness, KEEP ppl sick, & reduce the population (especially unwanted groups such as minorities, poor whites, the mentally ill, the elderly, & the disabled) thru sickness & poisonous ‘treatments’ that create additional health problems.

Most hospitals practice ‘conventional’ medicine. Not because it’s the most effective, but because many years ago, the Rockefellers punked Western medical schools & hospitals from teaching & practicing natural medicine. The Rockefellers threatened to take away their license, fine them, shut them down, & imprison them if need be. So medical schools & hospitals quickly succumbed to the Rockefellers, who controlled the ‘conventional’ medicine industry at that time, & did not want any sort of competition.

Once again, the goal of the ‘conventional’ medicine industry is to use human beings as cash cows, encourage sickness, KEEP ppl sick, & reduce the population thru sickness & poisonous ‘treatments’ that create additional health problems or flat-out kill ppl. There are a # of ways that this is accomplished…

They do not treat the ROOT CAUSE of sickness, they only treat the symptoms. They claim that they do not know the root cause of sickness, in order to justify why they haven’t discovered or created a cure yet. This conditions the sick not to expect a cure…but to be a repeat patient. They keep coming back to the hospital for pills, surgery, chemotherapy, & radiology to treat their symptoms. For this reason, hospitals are not full of ppl who are healed. They are full of repeat patients that are not being healed. Their symptoms temporarily disappear then return, just like a weed temporarily disappears when its branches are trimmed…but eventually grows back because it wasn’t pulled up by its roots. Even many of the nurses & doctors are sick, but ppl trust them with their lives because they have been indoctrinated at “medical schools” to practice ‘conventional’ medicine. Their patients provide a residual income for the ‘conventional’ medicine industry.

This reminds me of the organized church. The root cause of sin (a sinful heart) is not being treated. People are only dealing with the symptoms. This is why there are so many books, tapes, & dvd’s on the 7-laws of this & the 5 steps to that. People want a quick fix that can trim the branches of their sins, but it’s only behavior modification. Behavior modification sounds & looks nice OUTWARDLY…but it’s only for a season. Since the sinful heart is not being dealt with by the Holy Spirit, ppl eventually return to their vomit. This reveals that they only had a FORM of godliness, but denied the power that could make them godly on the inside.

Just like ppl in hospitals say that they’re “waiting on a cure”, ppl in the organized church say “I’m waiting on God to deliver me from that” or “God hasn’t delivered me from that yet”, but the problem isn’t that God hasn’t arrived to deliver folks from sin yet. IF God is in you, then He is ever-present to deliver. The problem is a lack of repentance & a lack of perseverance/endurance. How dare we return to our vomit & then blame it on God by saying that He hasn’t delivered us from that yet. Freedom from sin is always available IF we abide in Christ’s Word…but do we want to??

The Word says that by Jesus’ stripes we are healed from our sins, but many ppl only misuse that verse to name & claim physical healing. They don’t apply it to being healed from sin (which is the proper context of it). The organized church is not full of ppl who are healed. It’s full of ppl who are groveling in their vomit & making up excuses why they commit adultery against God. Instead of abiding in God’s Word to be set free from sin, they misuse His Word as a sin-crutch…to coddle themselves in their sins & make themselves feel comfortable living in darkness. Are ppl profiting from misusing the Scriptures in that manner?? 2 Tim 3:16 says that the Scriptures are “profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,” *reads it again* NOPE, I don’t see anything in this verse that says the Scriptures are profitable to coddle us in our sins.

There are SO many cliches in the organized church that condition ppl NOT to expect a cure for their sin. They are programmed to DIS-believe God’s promise to heal us & set us free from sin. They say “we’re all just sinners, no one’s perfect, we’ve all fallen short of God’s glory, God knows my heart, you can’t judge me, God looks past my faults & sees my need, etc.” All of these cliches that ppl use to condition themselves to REMAIN in sin & live below God’s New Covenant standard make me want to scream. I am tired of hearing them. I am tired of the “woe is me. I’ll never be set free from sin, so I might as well get comfortable in my vomit” mentality. I am tired of the “I’m glad that God’s grace covers my sins, because I’ll never overcome them” mindset. Is that what being a Christian is about? Being saved from hell, but not saved from sin??? Being forgiven, but not being delivered?? Being translated into the Kingdom of God, but not being transformed by the renewing of our mind?? Did Jesus call us out of the world, to add us to a so-called “hospital” that doesn’t heal folks?? I think I’m going to create some cliches about deliverance from sin & living holy! Will they catch on like wildfire?? Probably not…

People ignore the parts of the Bible that talk about deliverance from sin, then they cling to the parts of the Bible where God promised material prosperity to His Old Covenant ppl, even though that promise was NOT made to the New Covenant saints. Is that what being a Christian has been reduced to?? Getting rich, but not getting well??

False shepherds in the organized church have a lot of explaining to do, because they are not being healed either. They spread their sickness across the congregation by committing adultery, watching porno, financially soliciting the poor, lording it over the sheep, stealing, teaching doctrines of demons & false traditions, binding heavy requirements on men’s shoulders, making disciples that are twice the sons of hell as themselves, & doing everything else that Jesus forbid in Matthew 23. Peter wrote about these false shepherds in 2 Peter 2: ” 17 These people are as useless as dried-up springs or as mist blown away by the wind. They are doomed to blackest darkness. 18 They brag about themselves with empty, foolish boasting. With an appeal to twisted sexual desires, THEY LURE BACK INTO SIN THOSE WHO HAVE BARELY ESCAPED FROM A LIFESTYLE OF DECEPTION. 19 They promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you. 20 And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. 21 It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life. 22 They prove the truth of this proverb: “A dog returns to its vomit.” And another says, “A washed pig returns to the mud.” Godly elders are supposed to train up the saints in righteousness…not lead them back to their vomit. It’s almost like ppl are being saved out of the world by Jesus, only for some false shepherd to lead them right back into the world.

These false shepherds are exact opposite of God’s standard for elders in Titus 1:6-9, yet ppl trust them with their soul. How can they teach anyone how to live holy, when they themselves are unholy? How can someone who is unclean teach others how to be clean??? Romans 2:21-24 – “Well then, if you teach others, why don’t you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal? You say it is wrong to commit adultery, but do you commit adultery? You condemn idolatry, but do you use items stolen from pagan temples? You are so proud of knowing the law, but you dishonor God by breaking it. No wonder the Scriptures say, “The Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you.” & in another place it says “Many will follow their evil teaching & shameful immorality. And BECAUSE OF THESE TEACHERS, THE WAY OF TRUTH WILL BE SLANDERED.” (2 Pet 2:2)

Jesus said that He came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Those who are well do not need a doctor, but those who are sick. But no one who comes to Christ for healing/salvation from sin STAYS sick. The Gospels show that when ppl sought Jesus for healing, they were made every whit WHOLE, they were HEALED. The ppl that Peter shared the Gospel with in Acts 2 didn’t stay the same, they experienced a CONVERSION/CHANGE of heart. Their fellowship was truly unleavened (pure & healthy). This is the way that the Body of Christ should be. So how do we deal with those who are sick? We share the Gospel with them, we lovingly rebuke them, and correct them…but if they are unrepentant they do not belong in fellowship with the saints. “Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old “yeast” by removing this wicked person from among you. Then you will be like a fresh batch of dough made without yeast, which is what you really are. Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed for us. So let us celebrate the festival, not with the old bread of wickedness and evil, but with the new bread of sincerity and truth.
When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.” (1 Cor 5:6-13)

Apparently, Paul didn’t view the Body of Christ as a hospital full of sick ppl. He viewed us as a fresh batch of dough made without yeast (unleavened bread). The Body of Christ should be an assembly of saints who are living in the experience of healing from sin…not dwelling in sickness. The nature of sin is that it spreads…it is unwise to let strangers in the sanctuary, or tolerate ppl who call themselves Believers that are living in sin. Their sins will spread like a plague among those who have just escaped from the pollutions of the world. They will lay stumbling blocks before those who are striving to walk upright in the Spirit. Jesus said “But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)

I truly believe that the organized church operates much like modern-day hospitals that practice ‘conventional’ medicine. They talk about deliverance, freedom, & healing, but they’re not really interested in ppl being set free from sin, because that’s not in their best interest. If ppl begin abiding in Christ’s Word, they will become HIS disciples, & then they will KNOW THE TRUTH, & the Truth WILL SET THEM FREE. The organized church wants ppl to be disciples of their organizations & false shepherds. They want ppl to abide in their word & false traditions. The organized church want ppl to stay bound in sin, so that they will continue seeking “a word from the Lord” thru the false shepherds who themselves are bound in sin. The more repeat patients the organized church has, the more ppl there are in the pews, putting their money in the collection plate to fund salaries & more buildings to house MORE repeat patients. & the vicious cycle continues…

The Pharisees operated the same way in the Gospels. They burdened ppl who were already in sin, by laying false traditions and man-made teachings on their shoulders. This kept the ppl bound in sin, so they had to keep coming to the Jewish Temple to buy expensive animal sacrifices which were offered up for their sins & ceremonial cleansing. These expensive sacrifices NEVER made them CLEAN/HEALED. It only put money in the pockets of those who sold the animal sacrifices, & the Pharisees who ran the Temple. Jesus messed up the Pharisee’s cash flow & corrupt religious system, because He taught the TRUE WORD of GOD with authority from the Father & told ppl to FOLLOW HIM. As ppl began following Christ, they were set free, & the Pharisees began to lose control of the ppl.

Today, I see the Bride of Christ waking up & beginning to follow her True Shepherd–Jesus Christ. She is leaving the false shepherds who tried to make merchandise of Her & burden her with man-made rules, & she is rejoicing in her blood-bought freedom & the healing hand of the Master’s touch. I believe that this passage is prophetic of the Church in this hour: “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity! & He laid His hands on her, & immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.” (Luke 13:12-13). God is loosing us from our infirmities & making our crooked places straight. We are leaving the way that seems right to man, and following the way of Christ. Since the false shepherds did not have a heart to strengthen the weak, heal the sick, bind up the broken, bring back what was driven away, nor seek what was lost…God Himself is delivering His flock from all the places where they were scattered on a cloudy and dark day. He is breaking the bands of Babylon’s yoke from the necks of His sheep and delivering them from the hand of those who enslaved them. Modern-day John the Baptists see the Bride of Christ awakening & preparing to receive her Bridegroom, & rejoice: “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:29-30) But the modern-day Pharisees are angry, embittered, & threatened: “The Pharisees therefore said among themselves, “You see that you are accomplishing nothing. Look, the world has gone after Him!” (John 12:19)

The Pharisee’s livelihood depended on sick, repeat patients…& so does the organized church. I don’t think this will change because of what I see in Revelations 17-18. Nor am I interested in trying to reform a Babylonian Harlot that is hell-bent on sleeping with every Tom, Dick, & Harry, & silencing anyone who speaks against her abominations. In Revelations 18, God said to come out of Babylon…He didn’t say to reform her. If you’re in a Babylonian ‘church’ where ppl are sick & folks aren’t being healed from sin, get out of there & follow Jesus. Fellowship with like-minded Christians who are being healed & set free from sin. You will know them by their good fruit (love). Beware of folks who say that “the church is a hospital” but they’re not getting well or being made whole. Paul warned us about these impostors in 2 Timothy 3:1-9.

-In Christ

Evelyn"


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Jezebel? Who is Jezebel and What is She doing in the Church?

NOTE - Due to a malicious spamming, we have recreated the page  - with all comments intact - at the following address:

http://spiritualabusesanctuary2.blogspot.com/2012/02/jezebel-who-is-jezebel-and-what-is-she.html

Crimes in the Church

I subscribe to a google feed that sends me news of new church and spiritual scandals. Everyday there are two e-mails in my inbox with some distressing and shameful scandal.

Not all church scandals involve a cult steeped in aberrant doctrines. Many of them involve churches similar to the one down the street from you and I. The ones that make the news are usually the ones that make it to court because someone filed a complaint. All too often, churches choose to keep their dirty linen inside the church walls. This in itself is a scandal, but one known only to God and to those who are scandalized by the complacency of it's members.

This is more than just my opinion as I've followed these church failures, and yes, they are failures and more than that, they're putting the name of Christ to an open shame...but it seems to me that most of these scandals involve either a money crime or a sexual crime. And for every crime involving churches, there has to be a victim. Sometimes it may be money donated by the congregation and then misused or stolen by the clergy, usually the pastor. The congregation is made up not only of the middle class and/or those who can afford a loss without it hurting them, but also of those who can scarcely afford to put food on their table.
Then, on the other hand, a sexual crime usually, but not always involves a young child, such as the 9yr old girl raped and victimized by her pastor.

How often when a church scandal happens and a rogue pastor is exposed do you hear that we are just supposed to pray for him and then forgive him? I agree that we need to do that as well, but we clearly do NOT need to place him back in a place of leadership. The very fact that an ungodly crime happened in the first place is an indication that there is something very wrong going on in whatever church is involved. For example, why wasn't the said wolf in sheep's clothing and his behavior discerned by someone accountable? Isn't that what elders are for?

Back when I was still a young in the LORD Christian, I sought God not only in church, but in His Word and in my prayer closet. I began to get "vibes" if you will that there were things going on in the church, (in this case, a spiritfilled church where such things as sex or money crimes should NEVER happen. The Holy Spirit was warning me, but the leadership seemed to be oblivious.

Like I said, it always seems to be about either sex or money....two of the deadliest sins that man is prone to be capable of. And two that God takes most seriously.

My friend told me that 3 years prior, during a men and boys only church outing that her son had been molested by the church youth minister. He was 13 at the time, but was so confused and ashamed that he didn't tell his mother until he was 16. At that time, she told a friend who was in leadership in the church, who then told the pastor. What happened then was beyond belief. Instead of confronting this perpertrator, the pastor preached what I heard was a firey sermon the next Sunday, and the perp ran to the altar bawling and squalling. The church took this action as "repentance" and then without any form of counseling, or removing him from his position as youth minister. What were they thinking!??

Sadly, this damaged my friend's son beyond belief. This happened many years ago, and although this young man is now grown, married and with a family, he still bears scars from this molestation. However, during the interim period he went through many difficult times that went unministered to. He'd just refused to go back to that church without telling anyone why.

And the church? Well, sexual molestation of a minor child is first of all a CRIME punishable by law. This perp should have been arrested, taken to court and jailed. Also, the church could have been sued to the max by my friend. Neither happened and he went scot free to continue his hidden agenda in the church behind closed doors. Almost.......you see, what happened a few years later, this same perp died (in perfect health" of a heart attack. The first thing that came to me was...."God will not be mocked", especially in his own house called by his name. The next thing that came to me was, "vengance is mine, saith the LORD, I will repay". Apparently, he wasn't kidding when he said that. There was simply no other answer, or reason for this person to die.

God's eye is on the sparrow, and he watches over his little ones. He warned those not to touch one of them, and what would happen if they did. Lest we not forget, we are held responsible if we turn a blind eye toward blatant and obvious sins and misconduct in the household of God.


Link: http://www.thenassauguardian.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=17178:how-should-the-church-respond-to-the-rev-albert-whyley-scandal&catid=50:letters&Itemid=87

Restore My Soul

Don't we all need to have our soul restored on a regular basis? I do..when the wind and waves nearly "sink my ship" I run to Him..and He lifts me above the storm.
Right now, I'm very tired. I know there is peace for me, if I will just cast my cares over on Him. The LORD JESUS CHRIST has big shoulders to lean on.

Preacher Accused of Raping Women Behind Church

I suppose there are a lot of things I could say about this disgusting situation. Reading the comments under the article I posted, it has clearly been grist for the mill for the atheist bunch to come in with their version of the "truth" that religion is bad because of one fox in the hen house, (church).


I'm sad to say from the continuing headlines of some preacher at some church in America being accused of wrong doing, or downright evil, that it's not exactly conducive to giving unbelievers the desire to seek God, or to come rushing through the doors of their local church. On the contrary, who would want to if they believed this sort of thing was representative of Christianity?

It's sad, and almost discouraging to those of us who believe with our whole hearts that Jesus was and is the Way, the Truth and the Life to see this sort of evil being perpetrated in the household of God...those that go by the name of Christ, calling themselves Christians.

I truly wish better examples of the spiritfilled life were shining forth in America as the rule and not the exception. Sigh.

Nevertheless, what I wish to talk about on this post, is not the bad rap true believers and the Holy Name of Jesus are experiencing as a result of such wickedness but the COLLUSION that's been going on in so many churches when some evil begins to be exposed and made public. What I have been seeing is that instead of being shocked and disgusted by perverts and aberrants in the church, it's become almost norm for churches to collectively rush in to protect the accused and attempt to cover up the wicked behavior and make excuses, usually with the old "judge not" mantra. If you think this isn't so, just read this article, and see that almost no one was aware that this "preacher" was a bonefide wolf in sheep's clothing, operating right under their noses. I mean, where is the spiritual discernment? Eyes to see, ears to hear? Something is very wrong with this picture.

Again, I'm saying this has become the norm for these folks, not judging with righteous judgment. Saying things, like, "Well, he seems like such a nice guy"...or "He never did anything wrong to me"..etc, ad nauseum. In so many cases, the wolf culprit is welcomed back into the fold with open arms of forgiveness, (if he's not thrown in jail, or dead from an overdose" to step right back into the pulpit.

I wonder what the Apostle Paul would say? Maybe like he did in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 5, "to put that wicked out of the church", and thoroughly lambasting the church folks in Corinth for being puffed up, and non-discerning. He told them they should have been grieving for such things. That such wickedness was not to be tolerated in the household of God, and not to have fellowship or even eat with a brother who called himself Christian but was committing immoral sins. Were the rules changed to accommodate reprobates just because it's 2011? I think not.

If you've been following the previous two posts of mine on this blog about the new Jimmy Swaggart Ministries scandal, and perhaps read Mishel McCumber's website articles on Deception Bytes, you may have noticed as I did, that many of the Jimmy Swaggart groupies rushed in to defend Swaggart and his wife Frances, and instead leveled their verbal guns at Mishel and other employees who'd been spiritually used and abused by this so called ministry.

Like I said, this has become the new norm. And it's disgraceful that Christians can be so brain washed in an age where they have every spiritual opportunity to grow in the knowledge of the LORD and through the Spirit of the living God to discern such evil being perpetrated. Those defending such actions will be judged by God, right along with the perpetrators. I don't believe God is going to cut any slack on that.

However, I know many of you, as new Christians have been deceived and abused by such renegade ministries and preachers. I belong to that group myself. Getting OUT of it before such terrible damage is done to the spirit and soul only comes by knowing the TRUTH, and recognizing and discerning evil. And that is only possible by an earnest heartfelt dedication to seeking God's face daily, studying the bible for oneself, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and NOT by being slavishly spoonfed "doctrines" by a mere man, no matter how charismatic he may seem.

Truth comes from the word of God, just as Jesus said, "IF" you will continue in my word, THEN you will become my disciples indeed and THEN you will know the truth, and the TRUTH will set you free". A disciple is a learner and follower.......of HIM, not a man.

When a person starts looking up too much to a preacher, or a man, or a church, they are already in trouble. This is why I've been stressing as much as I have to avoid the doctrines and deeds of the Nicolaitans, the thing that Jesus said he HATED in the book of Revelation. Where the "clergy" lorded it over the "laity". This was NOT how Jesus set up his church in the beginning, but unfortunately almost all denominations follow the Nicolaitan pattern and system. Beware of this. This is the apostate church.

If I have ONE thing I would like to stress to those of you who've been spiritually abused by such apostate churches, please don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. You must have been looking for Jesus when you started. He's still there, and he is not an abuser, but a healer. Pick up where you started and begin fresh with him, your bible, and start over. Jesus will pour oil on those wounds and bind them up and heal all the broken pieces of your heart and soul.

And for those of you who may still be in a church setting you have misgiving about, such as feeling it may indeed be a Nicolaitan system masquerading as a bonifide church, you are probably correct if it fits the pattern I've described. Please pray and ask the LORD for discernment and guidance about what you should do. He will not fail when your heart is set on loving and serving him, and not on some man made system.

God bless,

Constance

Toxic Faith

Hello friends.....we seem to be living in perilous times indeed, when, make no mistake about it, spiritual abuse seems to be running rampant across the country in one way or another. Joshua,the son of a friend of mine, recently became suicidal after having gone to a "revival" and being told by a visiting "evangelist" he was no longer welcome in that church, and not to come back.

In front of the entire congregation and visitors, Joshua, age 30, already depressed and troubled due to health, marital and financial problems, was lambasted by this "evangelist" and told in a loud voice that he was a drug user, and wife abuser. I was told later by his mother, my friend, that Joshua turned to the people in the church, and said, "I love you all", and walked out. Later that night, he became suicidal. Fortunately, his family was able to console and comfort him, also reminding him that he had his children to live for.

How did the "evangelist" come by this information with which he deemed Joshua worthy of condemnation? From Joshua's wife, whom he had been separated from for several months. So, without any other witnesses to verify these accusations, this "evangelist" decided to put Joshua on trial, declaring him guilty as charged by reason of gossip and slander by an embittered wife who'd been systematically attempting to discredit her husband to everyone she knew he had contact with.

Even if what Joshua had been accused of was true, which it wasn't...how was it helpful to him, or anyone present, to verbally assault and accuse him in front of the entire congregation where he had gone, hoping to find spiritual comfort, solace and fellowship of other Christians, (and I use that term loosely in this case)?

The way Jesus told it in His Word, was that if a congregant was involved in some spiritual wrongdoing, that a responsible person such as an elder of the church, should take him aside privately, and reason with the person, pointing out the sinful action and attempt to gently and spiritually counsel and restore the person back into a right relationship with God. Then, if the person doesn't receive the counseling, two or more others should go to that person and talk it out with him or her. Finally, if the one accused of wrong doing doesn't accept it, then and only then should it be taken to the church in a proper manner. Frankly, in all my years, I've never seen this happen. However, what I have seen is that in many cases, it's the so-called "leadership" in churches who are guilty of wrongdoing...and no one ever calls them on the carpet for it.

Such is "church normal" these days. And unfortunately, a person who has been abused in a church for one reason or another, all too often become disillusioned with God, and throw the baby out with the bathwater. That's the problem with not only allowing "leadership" to rule over the flock with an iron fist, but also with equating "leadership" with God. That is to say, believing the pastor, teacher, or church is the source of their spiritual strength, instead of God.

Do You Really Need a Church?

Monday, August 22, 2011

I just read this article, "Sunday go to Meeting", and it was almost like deja vu as I recalled many of the reasons I left the organized mainstream Nicolaitan "church" system. It was nothing new really, but yet another condemnation of how religion has corrupted the household of God, and the "faith that was once delivered unto the saints".

How is it that Christianity been replaced by "churchianity" and yet most all churches in the United States, and the West practice "church" in this manner? Yet, it happened, and what's worse, the majority of church going folks think nothing about it, and consider anything that deviates, or anyone that departs from "church as they know it" is a backslider and "has departed from the faith".

It's a situation that has grieved my spirit over the years since I left the apostate organized church system. I am now considered a black sheep, or a lone wolf....(if you can imagine such a creature). I'm surrounded by 5 so called churches within walking distance, but since I've "been there-done-that", I know of a certainty they all practice the Nicolaitan system of religious practice that Jesus said he HATED in the book of Revelation. Oh, they make have their slight doctrinal differences, but basically they have the same things in common.....pastor, pulpit, organized service, the taking up of the illegal tithes, (extortion), the rulership of the so-called clergy over the laity, and the same church service format offered up every Wednesday and Sunday, disguised as worship and the practice of their religion.

As a young Christian, saved outside this system, and not seasoned enough in the Word to be able to discern what constituted being a "good Christian", I too assumed back then, that I needed to "join a church". Boy was I mistaken........but well, as I continued eagerly pursuing God, studying my bible daily, and loving Jesus passionately, I began to notice the difference in the way the church I belonged to did things, and the way the early church was set up by the Holy Spirit back in the book of Acts, and the later epistles of the apostles. I wondered who gave these modern churches the right to change the way God set the church up? At first I made the excuse that these were modern times, so things have changed. But would God change His Word just to accommodate modern customs and cultures? Of course not!

So, eventually, God began opening my eyes to more and more truth, and I began to see the organized system to be corrupt, and had fallen into apostasy, the "falling away" warned about in the Bible. Then.......he pulled me out of it.

So, what happened then, did I indeed backslid, once out of the "church" where I had been told that if I left the sky would fall, that I had neglected to "assemble together as some do", and I would be out of fellowship with God? Actually, quite the contrary.....after working through my first feelings of separation anxiety, and "guilt tripping" by the devil ...and the church folks I left behind.... the LORD began to re-teach me His doctrine, and I entered into a stronger, more intimate and profound relationship with Jesus than I'd had before, where I had experienced all the negative things connected with being a part of a church system out of sync with God...coupled with a new sense of liberty and freedom. No, it was not a feeling of being independent of God, but quite the contrary, it was a brand new liberating and glorious experience of being totally being dependant upon my bible, the Holy Spirit as my teacher, protector, counselor, and covering. Jesus as my all in all.

It was true, that I was traveling alone at the beginning, because everyone else was "in church".
What was important to me then, as it is now, is that I'm obeying God in this and I refuse to go back into any church based on the corrupt Nicolaitan format. "Come ye out from among them, and do not partake of their sins, that you do NOT partake of their plagues".

If you are reading this now, it's more than likely that you have... or are experiencing some of the things I've been talking about, and if so, you have experienced spiritual abuse. You may have thought that "if" you could only find a different church, then you'd be OK...But listen, as long as any group, fellowship, building, "church" organizes themselves around a "Nicolaitan" system, sorry, but it is going to be abusive...period.

Now for those who are still wondering what this apostate Nicolaitan brand of churchianty is or means, thank God for the Internet...there are plenty of resources with which to check this out. Long story short.....what it means is Nico-(power over the people), Lao-(the people, laity). In other words where the "clergy, (leadership), rules over the laity, (the congregation). This is what you find in the mainstream organized church. Jesus said he HATED IT! What more do you need to convince you that if Jesus said he hated it, then he wants you out of it?

You have a bible, so if you love the LORD, you have the Holy Spirit........take it from there with all your heart, and the Spirit will lead and guide you into all truth.

God bless you.....

Constance

The Truth Really Will Set You Free

It's been about ten years since I left the last apostate church I'd belonged to. I say the "last" one, because I'd belonged to three different ones since I became a Christian.

I'm not here to knock all churches because I don't believe all churches are abusive. I'm sure there are still some good ones out there, even in this age of general apostasy in the mainstream organized churches of America. Apostasy simply means "the falling away" from the "faith once delivered to the saints".

From spending considerable time researching in books and the Word of God, I've found that most ALL denominations and organized churches pattern themselves after the Nicolaitan error. But that will have to wait until a later post. There is plenty of information online about the "doctrine and deeds of the Nicolaitans", the thing that Jesus said he hated, for you to study in the meantime to come to an understanding of just WHY Jesus said he hated it...and by the way, so do I.

Even though as a young in the LORD Christian, I experienced a great deal of abuse in the churches I went to those first few years of my church experience...I learned much that helped me understand how and why this could happen in the "household of God" and how to avoid abuse in the future. Maybe these experiences were to be used of God to help others to avoid spiritual abuse and the pain that goes with it, I'm not sure, but I do know it taught me well about the nature of deception.

No one has to succumb to spiritual abuse if they will learn this one very crucial lesson, the Bible is there for you to study for yourself with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit as your primary teacher. If you will simply do that on a daily basis, coupled with prayer, you will soon learn to recognize deception, the truth from the false. People who merely go to church and allow various teachers to spoon feed them their deal, IE; whatever doctrine it is they lean toward are setting themselves up to be deceived, and hurt bad.

I've linked the title of my post to "Churches that Abuse" for some guidelines to help folks to recognize them. I do recommend it, but still, nothing will replace the bible, the Holy Spirit and prayer as the anchors of your spiritual life that will keep you from being deceived. Spiritual abuse will not be possible if you know the truth, and the truth really will set you free.

God bless you, Scarlett

Spiritual Abuse-Lecture One

Course: Spiritual Abuse: An Introduction

Presenter: Jeff VanVonderen

Lecture 1 of 3: Healthy and Abusive Spiritual Dynamics

These presentations are part of a 10-part course entitled "Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse". The series includes presentations by Dave Johnson and Lynn Heitritter.

Spiritual Abuse: Part 4

Spiritual Abuse Part 3

Part two of Spiritual Abuse Series

Defining Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual Abuse

What is it and how to recognize and escape it

Cliff Burtans experience with IPCC

I joined Davis Evangelical Church in Davis California, which was later named Grace Valley Christian Center (GVCC), back in 1975, and I was appointed by the Pastor (P.G. Mathew) to be an elder, along with four or five others. My wife to be, Marika Savas, joined the church about 6 months later. There was a strong emphasis on discipleship, accountability, and submission, and Watchman Nee’s Spiritual Authority was recommended reading. We were young and zealous for the Lord, and trusted God to work through His delegated authority, but somehow I was never completely comfortable with the Pastor’s habit of freely discussing peoples problems in their absence in a critical way, and of publicly and privately rebuking people in a harsh and belittling manner. It did not seem to me to reflect Christ’s character, but I assumed, as did others, that it was primarily a difference in culture and personality (he was brought up in a very strict Christian home in India, I grew up in a more lax nominally Christian home in California). But the uneasiness persisted.

After Marika and I got married in the church, we went to Texas for Bible translation training with Wycliffe, partly motivated, no doubt, to escape the church’s influence in an acceptable manner. While we were gone, my brother Dave, who was also a member of the church, decided to leave the church. These are the circumstances which led up to his departure: It was deer hunting season, and Dave wanted to go hunting for the weekend, so he asked Pastor Mathew if it would be all right to miss church that weekend. The Pastor gave his permission, so Dave went hunting. That Sunday the Pastor used his situation as an object lesson in his sermon, talking about how some people loved hunting more than God, and going on at length about how flakey such persons are, and how true Christians will always put God first, etc. The church was very small at the time, and most people knew that Dave had gone hunting that weekend, but they had no way of knowing that he had asked for and received permission from the pastor. When David returned and found out what had been said from the pulpit, he was filled with grief, shame, anger, and feelings of betrayal. He went to the Pastor to confront him, but the Pastor refused to acknowledge that he had done anything wrong. My brother and his wife then left the church, and was shunned by many of his friends who remained in the church. This is the typical treatment of those who leave the church dissatisfied.

When we returned from Texas to California in 1980, Marika and I were summoned to a series of meetings with the pastor and the elders. As we were going in we saw a couple coming out of the church office in tears. I was scared. We sat in chairs in the middle of the room. We were rebuked for, among other things, not staying in closer contact with the pastor while we were in Texas, being autonomous, harboring critical thoughts about the church. My wife was called in to another meeting alone. The setting was similar: she sat in a chair in the middle of the room, while the pastor and elders stood around her. According to my wife, the pastor went on yelling at her in this meeting for close to an hour, while she hung her head and wept.

Over the years, there were many incidents of persons being publicly humiliated in church services, particularly in the “flock” meetings, meetings held on the first Saturday of the month for those who had made life-time commitments to the church. One of the worst cases of public humiliation that I witnessed happened in an evening service, maybe 10 years ago. A young girl was at the pulpit reciting Scripture. She was not reading loudly or clearly enough for the pastor, so he began to sharply correct her, but the more he rebuked her, the more confused and upset she became. She finally burst into tears, but the pastor did not let up. He began to rebuke her for being emotional and commanded her to stop crying. The Pastor’s wife, who was horrified, along with the congregation, made a move to the pulpit to stop what was happening, and the pastor told her to stay in her place.

About 4 years ago, Marika and I returned from the annual church retreat in Tahoe to find a note from our 21 year old daughter, Genevieve, saying that she was leaving the church and leaving our home, and did not leave a phone number or an address to contact her. We were absolutely devastated. After a period of time, we were able to contact her, and repair our relationship. She was comfortable coming to visit us but wanted nothing to do with being a Christian, and over time began to explain why she left. She was being repeatedly rebuked by the college group leader, Pastor Edgington, both publicly and privately, telling her that she “disgusted” him when she prayed, that her worship was only for show, that she should not pray in public, and that she would make a terrible wife for some Christian man.

Some time after our daughter left the church, she was formally excommunicated in a church service, and my wife and I were publicly chastised for failing as parents. Later the Pastor told my wife to avoid “social visits” with our daughter Genevieve, who by this time was engaged to a non-Christian gentleman. We discussed this matter between ourselves, and although we were afraid to disobey the Pastor, we were convinced that to follow such counsel would be a violation of our conscience. We called a meeting with the Pastor to get clarification, and to ask for advice about the appropriateness of attending our daughter’s wedding, and hosting a wedding reception for her. The meeting proved to be confrontational, highly intimidating, and utterly unfruitful. I went in with a list of questions, but was not able to get any answers. Shortly thereafter I made a phone call to a leader in the church, Ron Guly, who is close to the Pastor, to ask him specifically what he thought the pastor meant by “no social visits”. He told me that he thought it meant that when someone is sinning, it is a Biblical form of discipline to avoid that person, to convict them of their sin.

After discussing this conversation with my wife, we both agreed to leave the church and wrote a letter, explaining why we left — that we felt we had a divine obligation to continue to relate to our daughter, in order to win her to the Lord — and expressing our appreciation for the years of ministry. The letter was delivered to the pastor on a Sunday. The very next evening I came home from work, and there in my living room was Elder Gerrit Buddingh and Ron Guly. They were there to say that basically the whole thing was a misunderstanding, that Pastor never intended for us to avoid visits with our daughter. My wife asked Gerrit what the Pastor did mean when he said “no social visits”, and his answer was “I don’t know”. I wanted to say that there was nothing more to discuss, since we were no longer part of the church, and send them on their way, but I knew that was impossible. My wife felt that our only valid reason for leaving was taken away by their retraction, and I couldn’t think of leaving the church without her, for fear that she would be negatively influenced against me. I had seen how one spouse was used against another to discourage dissent or departure.

We had two meetings at the church regarding this incident. The first meeting was that Wednesday night with the Pastor and several elders. It was surprisingly cordial. The Pastor welcomed us back and complemented us for our years of service in the church, and emphasized that the church supports families. The second meeting was that Saturday, with just my wife and I, and Elders Daniel Washabaugh and Gerrit Buddingh. The tone of this meeting was a complete antithesis and contradiction of the previous meeting. We were severely chastised, and told that we were arrogant sinners, that our leaving was a “drive-by shooting” of the church (we had driven by the church to drop our letter of resignation in the church mailbox), and that there was no validity to this letter I had written to the Pastor explaining our departure. Both my wife and I were very depressed as we walked out of this meeting, feeling very contrite and very confused.

After that, some persons who used to engage in conversation avoided us. Everything that had transpired had become common knowledge to the leaders in the church and their families, and this information spread to others in the church. I felt like a convict who was being punished for trying to escape. One Wednesday night, the Pastor told the congregation that our daughter had married a Muslim and had become a Muslim herself. My wife was very upset by this slanderous statement. We had mentioned that Genevieve’s husband was from Iran, but we had specifically mentioned that he was not a Muslim, and that he had in fact fled the country because of his anti-Mullah political views. Marika went up to the Pastor immediately after the service and confronted him, by saying “Let me give you the facts. Genevieve did not become a Muslim when she married Vahid, and Vahid does not and never has professed to be a Muslim.” His response was not apologetic, nor did he claim to be misinformed. He merely stated “She has become an object lesson.” A few days later, Marika went in to Pastor to apologize for being disrespectful in the manner in which she had challenged him. Again he did not even acknowledge that what he said might have been inaccurate, but responded emphatically: “I’m always right.” In the monthly Saturday night “flock meeting” Pastor mentioned from the pulpit that certain people who are “loose cannons” should be avoided, and went on to say that “Marika Burton is a loose cannon.” The following day we had the Trotters over for lunch after Sunday church, and Andy told me that he would not be coming to my house in the future, and had he known before what he had learned the night before, he would not have responded to our invitation. I was devastated.

In January of 2004, something happened which set off a series of events that resulted in several families leaving the church at once. It all started with a phone call from my daughter. She called me at work to say that she had recently repented of her sins and surrendered her life to the Lord Jesus. I was of course, very pleased to hear this, but then she began to cry. She told me that she had called Pastor Mathew to tell him that she had committed her life to Christ, and wanted to be reconciled to the church, since she had left in rebellion to the Lord. His response to her was very discouraging. He told her he was suspicious of her sincerity, and did not believe her faith was genuine, and wanted her to come in and meet with the elders. She had been in such meetings before and was terrified at the prospect. I assured her that I would be with her in the meeting, and that I would protect her, and that what counted was not what men think, but what God thinks, and that she was cleansed by the blood of Christ.

The meeting was scheduled for the following Sunday 1/11/2004, after the morning service. Genevieve sat with us in church, and afterwards she was summoned to the meeting by Elder Gerrit Buddingh, and I followed behind them. He turned, surprised to see me, and asked, “Are you invited to this meeting?” I replied, “No, but I assumed that it was appropriate to be at the meeting, since I’m her father.” He responded by saying “You are a man under authority. You should know not to assume.” When this did not deter me from following them to the meeting, he turned again, and scolded me, questioning my intelligence. I asked him for permission to attend the meeting, and he reluctantly agreed. The meeting began with prayer, and then she tearfully read her letter of confession and repentance, freely acknowledging her guilt and asking for the church’s forgiveness — “I abandoned the Lord, my family, and my church and refused to respond to several summons from this church and even my family for a few months. I sinned against the Lord with my mind and body in a spirit of complete rebellion. … Feeling grieved for my sin against my merciful God, I laid my shame at his feet. Receiving his forgiveness, I ask now for yours. I know I have caused you grief. This saddens me deeply, so I ask for your forgiveness.” She concluded by asking to be released from her commitment to the church – “I ask for your prayers to continue in the Lord faithfully and I ask for a release form my covenant here in keeping with my husband’s wishes to continue attending church where I am currently attending (First Baptist Church in Davis). I would also like an opportunity to make my confession to the church body.” When she was done, they began to ask her questions about why she left the church, where she moved, whom she roomed with, whom she slept with. This went on for two hours. There was no acknowledgment of her confession of sin, and no response to her plea for forgiveness or her offer to confess to the congregation. Finally, Gerrit Buddingh said that he had to go, and that they would schedule another meeting the following Sunday. I was told that my wife was expected to be at this meeting as well.

The next Sunday after church, Genevieve, Marika, and I met with the elders, Gerritt Buddingh, Dan Washabaugh, Tim Swickerd, and Ron and Trina Guly. In this meeting, various Scriptures were quoted and interpreted to imply that proper repentance should include yielding obedience to delegated authority, specifically the authority of the leaders at Grace Valley Christian Center. At one point, Gerrit Buddingh asked Genevieve a question regarding the parable of the Prodigal Son: “What if the prodigal son returned home and said to the Father: ‘Father, I have sinned against you, but I don’t want to live here, I am going to live next door.” Would this be true repentance?” I immediately recognized that this was a flagrant example of twisting Scripture to support an untenable position: If a person leaves a church and falls away, her repentance is not genuine unless she returns to the church she left. Since Genevieve had mentioned that her husband preferred that she go to the church she is currently attending, Elder Dan Washabaugh told her that she was obligated to obey God rather than her husband, implying that she was disobeying God if she chose not to make GVCC her home church. After almost two hours of this, Gerrit stood up and said that he had to go, and that they would schedule a third meeting the following Sunday, at which time they would hear from Genevieve her final decision. As we went to the parking lot, Genevieve broke into tears, sobbing and saying that she could not go through another meeting with the elders. I assured her that that would not be necessary. I would help her write a letter informing GVCC of her decision to remain at the First Baptist Church.

By this time I began to see things very clearly, and was filled with a sense of indignation, and a firm resolve to get my family out of the church. I began to reason carefully with my wife about what was happening, quoting Scripture, and writers like Dr. Enroth who specialize in abusive churches. She slowly began to see how abusive the church was, and how important it was to leave, but there was a major problem in her mind. Like others in the “flock”, we had made a life-time commitment to the church, and she considered this to be a sacred and inviolable vow. I tried to explain that such a vow was not Scriptural, and was in fact a method of manipulation and bondage, giving Martin Luther as an example of someone who broke his vow of celibacy by marrying, but I was not able to convince her. Finally, on 1/20/2004 I wrote Dr. Grudem a letter, asking him his opinion about the Scriptural validity of life-time commitment to a local church (see Email Correspondence with Dr. Grudem). His response, particularly this sentence: "Rash and wrongful vows should be broken at once, with an expectation of God's favor on you when you break it..." gave my wife the freedom of conscience to leave the church, and to convince her sister to leave as well.

Shortly after Genevieve’s second meeting with the elders in January 2004, Elder Gerrit Buddingh had my son Nicholas and his wife Leticia over for dinner. He said to Nicholas, “If I were you I would not have Genevieve over to my house.” Then he added, “Don’t mention this to your parents. I will talk to them about this.” We never received any correspondence from Gerrit regarding this conversation that he had with our son, and only found out about it through a discussion with Nicholas several weeks later, after we had left the church. Finally, on 3/9/2004, I sent a letter to the Pastor, explaining why we were leaving the church. It was signed by myself, my wife, my son, my daughter-in-law, and my sister-in-law. (see The Burton's Resignation Letter from GVCC)

Several other families left the church at the time that we did, or shortly thereafter. Each of these families has a story of their own to tell. The following Sunday night, an emergency meeting for members was held at GVCC after the evening service. A power-point presentation was given in which many of us who left the church were declared to be excommunicated. From what I have been told by some who attended that service, the reasons given for the excommunication were very general; the slide said something to the effect that “the persons being excommunicated are guilty of one or more of the following sins: ”, and theft, drug abuse, slander, and covenant breaking were mentioned, among others. We have never received a letter or a phone call from the church informing us of our excommunication.

For several months after we left, the pastor preached from the pulpit against those of us who had left the church, vilifying us as the vilest of sinners, the most reprehensible God-haters, who are bent on destroying the church. We understand that this is a method of fear, to keep anyone in the church from communicating with us, or acknowledging that we may have left for legitimate reasons. We continue to pray for the pastor, the leaders, and those who attend GVCC, that the Lord will establish His government in the church, and that the controlling, oppressive ways of the flesh will be abandoned.
— Clifton Burton

Identifying Predators, Spiritual, Financial, Sexual

There are common traits, common behaviors in human predators of all kinds. Spiritual scammers often operate the same way and use the same methods as other types of criminal con artists, batterers, and rapists. These different kinds of abuse often blend into each other.A liar doesn’t just tell falsehoods/lies to strangers or only in certain situations. A liar routinely lies to everyone. In the same way, a spiritual fraud is not just a spiritual liar. He or she will always lie about other things as well.Understanding these patterns of deceit among abusers and rapists gives us direct insight into the patterns of spiritual frauds. The following points are offered specifically about the patterns of physical abusers but the parallels to spiritual exploiters should be clear. The aim of this post is to help people in spotting frauds before they can do harm, and to help those who have been harmed find help.1. Abusers are charming and tend to be very skilled at social manipulation.2. They are skilled liars. They will also declare they are very honest and honorable but their actual actions will show otherwise.3. They are in control of their actions, not out-of-control. They do not harm everyone they meet. They are very careful to abuse people they feel confident they can get away with harming, such as wives/girlfriends, children, “apprentices,” or those they are “instructing” ceremonially. Substance abuse may increase their aggression but you should never accept being high/drunk as an excuse for their actions. They are far more in control of their actions than they let on and they also harm their victims when sober.4. They blame others for their behavior. “The abuser shifts responsibility for his actions away from himself and onto others, a shift that allows him to justify his abuse because the other person supposedly "caused" his behavior.” The fact is, abusing another person is a choice. It is the fault of no one but the abuser. 5. While “friends” and acquaintances will be subjected to manipulation, lies and sometimes emotional abuse, usually only the abuser’s intimate partners and immediate family will see the monstrous side of them. Abusers are very invested in their public image, and will use acquaintances to lie for them and/or pass on their lies in their defense. They will spend a great deal of time lying to non-intimate “friends” to lay a false trail of misdirection and alibis. On the internet and in long-distance phone calls, it is particularly easy for abusers to construct a good front for their online friends who may never meet them in person.6. Abusers specialize in finding out your vulnerabilities. In the beginning they will tell you how special you are. They will encourage you to confess your fears and vulnerabilities, and they will make a good show of being vulnerable themselves (even though it is just an act and built on lies). They do this to make you emotionally dependent on them, and so later they can use these things to harm and manipulate you. 7. They will seem too good to be true. And they are. There is a common misconception that predators and abusers are easy to spot, that they display obvious signs of their predatory nature. While there are warning signs to look out for (linked below), predators have carefully tailored their disguises through their years of abusing others and getting away with it. If predators weren’t skilled at convincing potential victims and supporters that they’re a nice guy (and those who commit physical abuse are overwhelmingly male), they wouldn’t be successful at what they do. They’ve learned how to fool and manipulate people. It’s their profession. If they weren’t good at fooling people, they would have moved on to some other way of making a living by now. By the time an abuser is middle-aged or elderly, they are very experienced at it; they are not going to change. Abusive behavior usually starts after the victim has made an emotional, spiritual, and/or financial commitment to the predator. Abuse usually starts right after some milestone: moving in together, getting married, pregnancy, or the birth of the first child. With spiritual predators, it’s often once the victim has made a ceremonial commitment and/or given the predator a large amount of money. Once that investment on the part of the victim is there, the predator knows the victim will be hesitant to throw away all that time and effort they’ve invested in the relationship. By that point the abuser has probably also isolated the victim from other sources of support and information, and has made sure the victim sees them as the unquestionable source of the truth. The vast majority of rapists don’t hang out in alleys to commit “stranger” rape. “Over 70% of sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knows. Over 40% of sexual assaults occur in the victim's home and another 30% take place in the home of a friend, neighbor or relative.”If you’ve been abused, there is help available. Once you know the patterns to look for, abusers are much easier to spot. Remember, if someone has harmed you, you can bet there are other victims out there. If everyone who has been abused speaks up, the world will change. Those who work the hotlines, who counsel victims of domestic violence and other forms of sexual and spiritual abuse, have heard it all before. They will recognize your story. They won't be shocked and you don't have to be ashamed. The patterns are all too common.