Forgiving Those Who Have Spiritually Abused Us

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Spiritual Abuse & Betrayal by Her Church: Brittany's Story

Hi there!
My name is "Brittany" and I stumbled across your blog quite by accident but I am glad I did. I have a story to share with you and your readers. I am keeping this post anonymous and have changed my name because I am afraid of being discovered with my story.
For seven years I was an active member of a small non-denominational church in the Northern United States. While I noticed some controlling behavior, it didn't bother me because I came from a broken home and loved the idea of being accepted into a family. Aside from Sunday services, I also went to church meetings and functions throughout the week and I was well liked within the congregation. One summer, I was offered a chance to be a missionary to Haiti with an outside church group. I jumped at the chance and my church family seemed to be behind me as it was a longtime dream. The only real trouble I noticed was that my church leaders seemed to have much more communication with the people I was travelling to Haiti with than I did. I also found that they were warning this group that I was 'immature'. (I am a professional adult with a good, stable life and they had nothing to base their accusations).
I went to Haiti and felt VERY controlled by the group that I was with. I told my home church about what was going on and they urged me to come home, so I did. When I got home, they were eager to pick me up and get me feeling better. Unfortunately, all I wanted to do was be alone and process things. They did not like that. I noticed things started to get really tense with my church. They stopped inviting me to functions and started to hold their gatherings in secret. I was promised to be included on certain activities but then they held them without me. People started blocking me from their phones and once great friends would no longer speak to me. Saddened and confused, I asked the pastor to arrange a meeting with myself and one of my church friends to get to the bottom of this excommunication. He agreed and I was relieved that this was all going to be settled. I arrived at the meeting expecting things to be worked out--but instead I was verbally assaulted and abused. Vile, horrible untruths were spoken about me; the pastor pointed his finger at me and spewed so much unholy anger. We didn't pray, we didn't try to reconcile, it was an all-out attack.
I have a medical illness that the church group knew about. When the stress of the situation started to put me in serious medical danger, they laughed at me and ignored my cries for help. I used my cell phone to make calls to people from the church that I knew. No one offered support for me. In fact, in the coming days no one would even confront the pastor about his behavior for fear that he would exile them as well.
During that meeting, several elders walked in unannounced and continued the ambush. I now believe that it was planned.
Aside from the PFA I obtained, there is nothing the police will do to shut this church down because of the separation of church and state laws in the United States. To this day I am haunted by nightmares and I always fear running into a church member when I am out and about. I know that they have tarnished my name in the town where I grew up and attended that church.
I would do just about anything to shut them down so that no one else has to go through what I went through. Physically, it took me 20 months to recover fully from their neglect of my medical condition. Spiritually, I am forever changed. I no longer support organized religion of any sort and have made it a priority to tell my story so that other people do not become spiritually abused.

Crimes in the Church

I subscribe to a google feed that sends me news of new church and spiritual scandals. Everyday there are two e-mails in my inbox with some distressing and shameful scandal.

Not all church scandals involve a cult steeped in aberrant doctrines. Many of them involve churches similar to the one down the street from you and I. The ones that make the news are usually the ones that make it to court because someone filed a complaint. All too often, churches choose to keep their dirty linen inside the church walls. This in itself is a scandal, but one known only to God and to those who are scandalized by the complacency of it's members.

This is more than just my opinion as I've followed these church failures, and yes, they are failures and more than that, they're putting the name of Christ to an open shame...but it seems to me that most of these scandals involve either a money crime or a sexual crime. And for every crime involving churches, there has to be a victim. Sometimes it may be money donated by the congregation and then misused or stolen by the clergy, usually the pastor. The congregation is made up not only of the middle class and/or those who can afford a loss without it hurting them, but also of those who can scarcely afford to put food on their table.
Then, on the other hand, a sexual crime usually, but not always involves a young child, such as the 9yr old girl raped and victimized by her pastor.

How often when a church scandal happens and a rogue pastor is exposed do you hear that we are just supposed to pray for him and then forgive him? I agree that we need to do that as well, but we clearly do NOT need to place him back in a place of leadership. The very fact that an ungodly crime happened in the first place is an indication that there is something very wrong going on in whatever church is involved. For example, why wasn't the said wolf in sheep's clothing and his behavior discerned by someone accountable? Isn't that what elders are for?

Back when I was still a young in the LORD Christian, I sought God not only in church, but in His Word and in my prayer closet. I began to get "vibes" if you will that there were things going on in the church, (in this case, a spiritfilled church where such things as sex or money crimes should NEVER happen. The Holy Spirit was warning me, but the leadership seemed to be oblivious.

Like I said, it always seems to be about either sex or money....two of the deadliest sins that man is prone to be capable of. And two that God takes most seriously.

My friend told me that 3 years prior, during a men and boys only church outing that her son had been molested by the church youth minister. He was 13 at the time, but was so confused and ashamed that he didn't tell his mother until he was 16. At that time, she told a friend who was in leadership in the church, who then told the pastor. What happened then was beyond belief. Instead of confronting this perpertrator, the pastor preached what I heard was a firey sermon the next Sunday, and the perp ran to the altar bawling and squalling. The church took this action as "repentance" and then without any form of counseling, or removing him from his position as youth minister. What were they thinking!??

Sadly, this damaged my friend's son beyond belief. This happened many years ago, and although this young man is now grown, married and with a family, he still bears scars from this molestation. However, during the interim period he went through many difficult times that went unministered to. He'd just refused to go back to that church without telling anyone why.

And the church? Well, sexual molestation of a minor child is first of all a CRIME punishable by law. This perp should have been arrested, taken to court and jailed. Also, the church could have been sued to the max by my friend. Neither happened and he went scot free to continue his hidden agenda in the church behind closed doors. Almost.......you see, what happened a few years later, this same perp died (in perfect health" of a heart attack. The first thing that came to me was...."God will not be mocked", especially in his own house called by his name. The next thing that came to me was, "vengance is mine, saith the LORD, I will repay". Apparently, he wasn't kidding when he said that. There was simply no other answer, or reason for this person to die.

God's eye is on the sparrow, and he watches over his little ones. He warned those not to touch one of them, and what would happen if they did. Lest we not forget, we are held responsible if we turn a blind eye toward blatant and obvious sins and misconduct in the household of God.


Link: http://www.thenassauguardian.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=17178:how-should-the-church-respond-to-the-rev-albert-whyley-scandal&catid=50:letters&Itemid=87

Spiritual Abuse-Part 5

Spiritual Abuse: Part 4

Spiritual Abuse Part 3

Part two of Spiritual Abuse Series

Getting Out and Getting On

If you've been victimized by an abusive pastor or church, I think you'll find this article very helpful.

When I left the abusive apostate church I was in, I was literally crushed in my spirit. I felt I had been betrayed by people I thought I could trust. No, let me rephrase that. I had been betrayed.

I was confused and hurting. At that time there was no one I could turn to that would understand. After all, all my friends were in "church", and wasn't "church" where you were supposed to meet God, and wasn't it ordained that one should not forsake the assembling together with the brethren?

I thought to myself, what brethren? They were all locked into the system, and the system I thought I could trust, the one I'd believed in was a sham, corrupt.


God had been good to me since my conversion, or I should say since my baptism in the Spirit. I had grown in the Word, and the LORD had blessed me in so many ways.

It took a lot of disappointments and more growth in the Word before I began to get my eyes opened to the things in the several churches I've been devoted to, that just plain were not of God.

It took months to even begin to recover physically and emotionally from the trauma I'd suffered from the years in church. But spiritually, I was devastated.

I've learned later that many people who leave an abusive church walk away from God altogether and just try to get on with their lives as best they can. But for me, I had some serious issues that I needed to work out spiritually and wasn't satisfied with walking away from God, because I knew he was real, and my experience was real, and like Peter, I felt, "Where would I go LORD? Only you have the words of truth".

About that time I had been wishing I had a computer. Then, by the grace of God I received one as a gift. It was then I began searching for what others had experienced and found that the doctrines I'd been taught in the churches I'd attended were wrong....what the LORD had been telling me in my spirit all along.

I also found others like myself who were leaving the apostate organized churches for the same reasons. They weren't "backslidders". In fact, they were people who were devoted to God and completely serious in their walk. But they had also eventually seen the abuses and wrong doctrines, and controlling natures of the bird cages they'd been in bondage to.

After you come out of an abusive church or spiritual situation, expect to have some emotional healing to go through. It's not pleasant to be sure, but it's normal. You may look at it as a blessing in disguise because once you're out, you're no longer being under the control and expectations of others to conform to their ways and doctrines.

In a way, it was the biggest weight off my shoulders I've ever felt, even if at the time it felt beyond strange, with Satan laying a guilt trip on me that it was somehow my fault. No, it was not and I've come to accept that. For where the Spirit is there is liberty.

To read the article, Getting Out and Getting On, just click in the title.
And God bless you as you continue your spiritual journey of healing and on to maturity in Christ.